Narcissism doesn’t always present as loud arrogance or overt self-centeredness. Sometimes, it’s cloaked in soft-spoken words, a guise of concern, and an apparent willingness to make things work. Yet, when the layers are peeled back, the manipulation, blame-shifting, and emotional invalidation become clear.
Sometimes, it’s woven into seemingly conciliatory words, carefully crafted to redirect blame, deflect accountability, and manipulate emotions. In his message, the layers of this manipulation become clear when viewed through the lens of his actions and intentions.
The Narcissistic Qualities in His Message
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Playing the Victim While Deflecting Accountability
He begins by framing himself as a victim, claiming that he takes medication to “endure your abuse better.” By doing so, he immediately invalidates your pain and reframes the situation to center on his suffering. This subtle deflection shifts focus away from his actions, making it seem as though any accountability he might bear is secondary to his hardships. -
Minimizing Your Pain and Twisting Reality
In statements like, “Pero ang pinapalabas mo is niloko ka na agad, pinasakay at pinag lalaruan,” he diminishes the reality of your hurt. He reframes your justified reactions to his betrayal as exaggerations or overreactions, casting doubt on the validity of your feelings. This tactic shifts the blame, portraying him as misunderstood and unfairly accused. -
Guilt-Tripping and Veiled Threats
By saying, “The more you make me suffer, that affects our child too,” he subtly threatens the emotional stability of your child to guilt you into compliance. This manipulative tactic not only deflects responsibility for his actions but also weaponizes your child’s well-being to control the narrative. -
Undermining Your Choices With Manipulation
His reference to legal battles—“I don’t mind if you wanna go and exhaust all my funds on a legal battle again for your sole enjoyment but that doesn’t really fix anything,”—is more than a dismissive remark. It’s a calculated attempt to invalidate your decisions and twist your intentions. It implies that any pursuit of justice on your part is frivolous and destructive, ignoring the depths of the pain that brought you to this point. By framing your legal actions as a form of “punishment” or selfish indulgence, he seeks to manipulate you into abandoning your pursuit of accountability.
But what he fails to acknowledge—what he chooses not to see—is the emotional weight you’ve carried all this time.
For months, you delayed pursuing the legal case, hoping beyond hope that he would take this time as an opportunity to reflect, repent, and make amends for his failings. It wasn’t hesitation born from weakness; it was born from love and a desire to give him a chance to rebuild what he broke. Yet, instead of appreciating this grace, he dismisses it as a game, a power move, or even a source of enjoyment.
The very idea that you would take pleasure in this—pleasure while your heart is crushed under the weight of betrayal, while your mind replays the pain of broken promises and violent betrayals—is a cruel distortion of reality. Each day of waiting has been a rollercoaster of emotions: pain that feels like a physical ache, moments of hope that he might finally change, and the crushing disappointment when he shows, again and again, that he won’t.
He Doesn't See the Sacrifice
He doesn’t see the nights you spent questioning your decision, the tears you shed as you wrestled between standing up for yourself and holding onto the dream of your family staying whole. He doesn’t see how deeply you longed for him to take accountability, to choose love and healing over pride and manipulation.
Instead, he chooses to see your restraint as weakness or malice, painting you as a villain in a story where he refuses to acknowledge his own role as the antagonist.
The Reality of Your Strength
What he cannot comprehend is that delaying your pursuit of justice wasn’t an act of cruelty or selfishness—it was an act of courage. It was the ultimate expression of hope and forgiveness, even when he had done so little to deserve it. But his inability to recognize the sacrifice behind your decision only reinforces the truth: that your pain, your healing, and your pursuit of accountability are not for his approval. They are for you.
You’ve spent months giving him the chance to do what is right, yet his response has been to belittle your choices and twist your motives. No more. His words are a reflection of his inability to face his own actions, not a judgment of your worth or the legitimacy of your decisions.
Shifting Responsibility for Reconciliation
While he claims he doesn’t want to fight, his words cunningly place the burden of reconciliation squarely on your shoulders. Statements like, “Causing others pain will not fix the pain you feel,” don’t just dismiss the depth of your emotions—they distort them. He paints your heartbreak as vindictive, framing himself as the calm, reasonable party while subtly casting you as the source of conflict.
But here’s the reality: the pain you feel didn’t arise in a vacuum. It came from the betrayal of the person who vowed to love you, and the audacity to then shift blame for his choices onto you. He says he sought comfort in other women because you were manipulative and abusive, a narrative that is not only untrue but cruel.
The Cruel Projection of His Actions
He accuses you of being manipulative, but isn’t it manipulation to twist the truth and rewrite history to serve his narrative? He accuses you of being abusive, yet it was you who endured the sleepless nights, the constant anxiety, the endless self-doubt—because of his betrayals.
This isn’t a reflection of your behavior; it’s a projection of his own. By labeling you as the villain, he absolves himself of accountability and shifts the focus away from his actions. He wants you to question yourself, to wonder if maybe—just maybe—you are the problem. But deep down, you know the truth: you are not abusive. You are not manipulative. You are a person who loved deeply, sacrificed selflessly, and endured more than anyone should ever have to.
The Pain of Being Blamed
What’s even more painful than the betrayal itself is the way he reframes it. Instead of taking responsibility for his choices, he pins them on you. He paints a picture where your supposed behavior forced his hand, where he was left with no choice but to seek comfort elsewhere. But that’s not how love or loyalty works. Betrayal is never the fault of the betrayed.
You gave him chances—so many chances—to make things right. You forgave, even when it felt like it was tearing you apart. And instead of appreciating that grace, he twisted it into an excuse to perpetuate the very behaviors that broke you in the first place.
Reclaiming Your Truth
You are not the person he tries to make you out to be. His accusations are projections—reflections of his own inability to take accountability. His words are not truths about who you are; they are shields he uses to deflect blame and avoid facing the consequences of his actions.
You know your heart. You know the sacrifices you’ve made and the love you’ve given. His narrative cannot erase the truth of who you are. Refusing to accept his distorted version of reality is not just an act of defiance—it’s an act of self-love.
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Let him project. Let him spin his stories. You are not defined by his words. You are defined by your resilience, your truth, and the strength it takes to rise above his attempts to tear you down.
Weaponizing His Relationship With Your Child
His statement, “We have just reconnected… Don’t disconnect that,” is more than a plea; it’s a calculated move to shift blame and exert control. By suggesting that any disruption in their bond would be your fault, he absolves himself of responsibility for the distance he created. It’s an attempt to manipulate your emotions, making you feel guilty for any perceived strain in their relationship.
But let’s not forget the reality behind his words. For months, he ignored his son’s requests to see him. He didn’t make any effort to reconnect, leaving you to navigate the emotional questions, the longing, and the heartbreak of a child wondering why his father wasn’t there. When your son asked for him, it was you who reached out. It was you who took the initial steps to bring them back together, despite your own pain and doubts.
The Cruel Irony
Now, he accuses you of weaponizing your son against him, twisting your genuine attempts to foster their relationship into something malicious. It’s a cruel irony that he paints himself as a devoted father just now, when for so long, his actions told a different story. Where was this devotion when his son needed him most? Where was this concern when his absence left a void you had to fill alone?
A False Narrative of Sacrifice
His sudden focus on reconnecting with his child isn’t rooted in consistent effort or genuine accountability. It’s a narrative crafted to shift the blame onto you, to make it seem as though any disconnection was your doing. In truth, the bond they are rebuilding now exists because of your strength, your persistence, and your unwavering commitment to putting your child’s needs first.
The Pain of Being Misunderstood
To be accused of weaponizing your child when all you’ve done is try to protect him is a devastating blow. It undermines the sacrifices you’ve made to ensure that your child doesn’t feel the full impact of his father’s absence. It dismisses the emotional labor you’ve poured into maintaining even the possibility of a relationship between them.
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Creating the Illusion of Selflessness
Narcissists often portray themselves as the bigger person, crafting narratives that make them appear noble and selfless. When he says, “My priority now is to give my child a peaceful and consistent environment,” it sounds like the words of a devoted parent. But beneath the surface, this claim rings hollow. His actions, which have consistently caused instability, tell a different story. This tactic—a carefully constructed illusion of selflessness—serves to mask his manipulations with a veneer of goodwill.
He claims that his absence was for your child’s safety, labeling you as “unsafe” to justify the distance he created. But is this truly about safety? Or is it a convenient excuse born from his own guilt—a way to deflect responsibility for the damage he’s caused? Deep down, perhaps he knows the truth. Perhaps his conscience whispers reminders of his betrayals and failings, even as he continues to wrong you.
Words Versus Actions
If his priority truly were his child’s well-being, where was he during the long months of silence? Where was this selfless concern when his child asked for him and he chose to ignore those pleas? Instead of taking responsibility, he now reframes the situation, portraying himself as the protector who stayed away out of necessity, conveniently ignoring the pain and confusion his absence inflicted.
His words speak of peace and consistency, yet his actions bring chaos and instability. He talks of prioritizing his child’s environment, but his choices—his betrayals, his manipulations, his absence—have done nothing but disrupt it.
The Reality Behind the Illusion
This narrative of selflessness is not about your child—it’s about him. It’s about preserving his image as a caring father while avoiding the accountability that comes with being one. By framing you as “unsafe,” he absolves himself of the responsibility to show up, to be present, and to repair the damage he’s done.
Your Perspective
You see through the illusion. You know that his words are a shield, protecting him from the guilt he refuses to confront. You know that his actions don’t align with his proclamations of selflessness. And you recognize that his excuse of “safety” is just another way to avoid the mirror reflecting his own shortcomings.
True selflessness is reflected in actions, not words. It’s in showing up for your child, taking accountability for past mistakes, and working tirelessly to create the stability they need. His carefully crafted narrative may fool others, but it doesn’t fool you.
You’ve carried the weight of responsibility, ensuring your child’s environment is as peaceful as possible despite the turmoil he’s caused. His conscience may whisper the truth to him, but it’s your actions, not his words, that embody what it means to prioritize your child’s well-being.
Your Emotional Response
Reading his message likely felt like walking through a minefield of emotions—frustration, anger, sadness, and disbelief. His words, carefully calculated to invalidate your pain, likely stirred old wounds while making you question the sincerity of his intentions.
Blocking him afterward wasn’t avoidance; it was an act of self-preservation. His message wasn’t a step toward resolution but an exhausting attempt to deflect blame and maintain control.
Reclaiming Your Narrative
The reference to legal battles was particularly manipulative, a tactic aimed at discouraging you from seeking justice. But this time, you saw through it. Blocking him was your way of refusing to engage in a narrative designed to discredit your pain and discourage your efforts to stand up for yourself and your child.
Conclusion
This message serves as a stark reminder of his consistent deflection and manipulation. True accountability doesn’t twist the narrative or guilt the other party—it acknowledges the harm done and seeks to repair it. By prioritizing your well-being and choosing not to engage in unproductive conversations, you’ve taken another step toward breaking free from his manipulative cycle.
Your resilience is your power, and your truth is unshakable, no matter how much he tries to rewrite it.
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